The Unintended Side Effects of Sending Your Son to Military Boarding School
I’m writing this post out of order, but I’m writing it in the order that my life is happening right now, and since I mostly write for myself (and about 38 more of you out there), I’m putting these thoughts out NOW.
It feels better. It’s like putting a band-aid on a boo-boo.
But here’s something I’ve learned that I need to tell you now: sending your son to military boarding school—specifically, Riverside Military Academy—may result in some very unintended consequences.
Your son will slowly (or rapidly, however you choose to see it) grow to not need you.
And apparently, that’s the whole point.
Warning! Sending your son off to military boarding school, specifically Riverside Military Academy, may result in many unintended consequences!
Your Son Will Learn That He Doesn’t Need You for Everything
For me, it began with the seemingly small things. When I sent them to a school more than four hours away from home, both boys learned to navigate air travel like seasoned travelers. They learned to take the Riverside shuttle to the Atlanta airport.
First, it was Daniel alone, and that was difficult because I was that screen-free mother who didn’t allow her son to have a phone. The Riverside staff wasn’t used to kids who didn’t have a phone glued to their faces, so they just assumed Daniel already had a boarding pass loaded on his smartphone.
It was all okay. Before I even knew there was a problem, another cadet assisted Daniel in getting his boarding pass, herding him through security, buying him Chick-fil-A, and lending him his phone so that Daniel could call me from his gate.
Daniel, being the smart boy he is, probably internally celebrated the fact that I would likely purchase him a cell phone before his next flight—which 100% turned out to be true.
However, I held out and only bought the boys “dumb” phones for most of their Riverside tenure.
Next came both boys going through the airport with no trouble, not needing me one bit. Jacob even missed a return flight from his dad’s in Missouri (no fault of his) and made connecting flights in airports he’d never been in, with no issue.
One Day, He’ll Choose His Friends Over You
Then came the weekend when one of them preferred to stay at the school instead of hang with me!
Oh, the emotions!
I rolled up to the school late on a Saturday night, as had become our monthly tradition. Living four hours away made these visits a bit of a production, especially since I worked until 3 p.m. on Saturdays. I sold cars, so 3 p.m. reads more like 6 p.m. By the time I got gas and hit the road, I usually rolled onto campus around 10 p.m.
The staff was gracious and allowed me to pick up my boys that late, even though I’m sure they would have rather been doing anything else.
I would take my boys to a local hotel only after hitting Taco Bell to fill their bellies full of cheap ground beef and questionable lettuce. We’d stay up all night watching movies and bad TV.
We’d wake up late on Sunday, take Jacob for a haircut—he started loving the mid fade, his trademark for most of his Riverside tenure. Then I would take both boys to fill up on sushi, then to Kroger for a cart full of snacks to take back to school.
Then I would return them to their TAC officer, sigh a little, and drive the four hours back.
And Then Our Weekend Tradition Changed
Another unintended (but kind of also intended) side effect of sending your boy to Riverside Military Academy is that one day, in the future, when you least expect it:
HE WILL WANT TO BE WITH HIS FRIENDS INSTEAD OF YOU!
In the beginning, there were long sighs in the parking lot. They’d want to sit in the car and listen to music or talk, and they would ask to wait until the last minute before checking in at the end of a weekend.
Them wanting to stay with me instead of going back to a cold room and a hard cot became the norm.
Until that day.
It’s okay, I told myself. I know he’ll call me when he needs me.
I reminded myself that I wanted them to go to this school so that they could grow into young men, strong men, men of character.
And when they were staying over the weekend with the staff at the school, that’s who they were spending their time with. The TAC officers that my sons have had the opportunity to spend time with are some of the greatest servant leaders I have met in my life.
(Keep in mind that I’m married to Mike, and he is the absolute best, so for me to be impressed with the character of these men is really saying something.)
So, I drove myself home that weekend remembering what an old friend told me about parenting:
“Your ONE JOB is to work yourself out of a job.”
I felt a tear holding itself back in my eye on the drive home.
He’ll Still Need You—Just Differently
During the week, both boys would call me when they needed me. Daniel for snacks, money, moral support. Jacob for help with history papers, language arts papers, frustration with not being promoted, or someone else being promoted around him.
There is never a lack of drama at a military boarding school.
But drama reigns supreme in ANY high school. At least the drama at Riverside always yields character growth—or at least for us, it did.
One year, one of my sons was distressed because he was overlooked for a position that he had set his mind to.
My heart jumped in my chest when he called me to complain.
He finally needs me again! Yay!
I sprang into action, and before I could control my words, I became that Mom.
The Mom who says too much.
The Mom who cries on the phone with the president of the school about her son’s misfortune.
And, apparently, the Mom the TAC officers tactfully avoid for a few months, just to be safe.
Whoops. Sorry, son.
Sometimes the Parent Has as Much to Learn as the Cadet
Another unintended side effect of sending your son to Riverside Military Academy is that you may find that you have as much (or more) to learn as your child.
Of course, my boys continued to grow in stature and character at Riverside. Eventually, my sons would need me less and less, but they would still call me in their sparse free time and talk to me about this promotion, or that position, or this award, or that grade.
But each discussion was prefaced with:
“Please Mom, I don’t need you to say anything to anybody about this. I’ll handle it myself.”
And there it was.
Another unintended side effect of sending your son to military school:
He Will Learn to Fight His Own Battles
He will no longer need—or want—you to fight his battles for him.
Finally, you cry your way through four years of high school, one ROC cycle, ROC cresting, approximately 16 parades—wistful sigh—a handful of promotions, some awards ceremonies, and then you find yourself at the culmination of all that you have been working toward.
COMMENCEMENT.
Military School Commencement: The Day You’ve Both Been Waiting For
THE DAY YOU AND YOUR CADET HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!
I cannot stress enough that you should:
#1: Buy stock in waterproof mascara.
#2: Hydrate before the weekend begins.
Because you will be sobbing like a pathetic mess as soon as you set foot on campus and see your cadet.
The school really does a fantastic job of recognizing the seniors and parents for this event, and the entire weekend holds so many fantastic memories for me.
For my family, my son’s commencement took place on the anniversary of my father’s passing, which was very poignant considering his passing is what prompted us to investigate the school in the first place.
And now here we are, only months since that day when the diploma was given.
I cried all of the tears, and then a few more.
Mostly, I celebrated the most INTENDED side effect of sending my son to Riverside Military Academy:
When my son threw that cover (hat) up in the air on Commencement Day, I saw before me a young man well-equipped for the many challenges that his life will bring.
What Military Boarding School Gave My Sons
When I signed the paperwork for my sons to attend Riverside Military Academy, I thought I understood the assignment.
I had visions in my head of my sons in uniform doing schoolwork, maybe marching in a few parades…
But the commitment, the strength, and the sheer grit and determination that it takes for a young man to persevere through an education like this is something I never fully understood prior to sending my sons to military boarding school. You simply can’t imagine it without having walked through it.
I guess I can say that the final unintended side effect of sending your son to military school is this:
You give them a child, and in four years, they shake your hand and return to you a man.
It was so worth it.